Why I am so tired every night yet cannot sleep…



Evan. My sweet precious bundle of baby boy love. I have always loved everything about him. Until now. Which makes me sad. Angry. Confused. Guilty. Worried. Anxious. Bitter. Weary. Exhausted. Sigh…….

Oh, I still love HIM. His sweet “luv u mumma” and his excitement over every new thing. His sweetness. I love him so.

What drives me to my knees are the fits of rage, the screaming, the obsession over random things, the insistence that something is when it isn’t. The food texture issues and how he hates paint because it’s squishy and how clothes can’t touch him. Ever .or we pay the price. So, pretty much every.waking.moment. something is going on. Sigh.

Nothing I have is safe. Nothing. He destroys everything. I don’t know why.

Tonight was very very hard. Evan was very tense. Charlie was tired and tense, I have been struggling with my insulin levels and have had horrible migraines daily. Sophie is teething. Evan doesn’t nap well , anymore. Everyone was arguing. Stressful. But, we did it. Almost didn’t go, got into a lot if arguments, but we sucked it up and went for the kids.

It all turned out good. The kids got to visit family and we ended the night with pizza. Daddy’s treat. 🙂

So…..life isn’t perfect? So what?! It’s still good. And full. And blessed. This I know and I’m writing this blog post to reflect and to remind myself of that very important truth.

Happy Halloween and bring on the Christmas season!!!!!!! 🙂


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